the mark grace manifesto

If the NBA were made of Actors and Actresses...A Preseason Preview, Vol 1

2006-10-31T00:41:00.000-08:00

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1. Miami Heat = Russell Crowe
Controversial, obviously mails it in from time to time...still, when brings his "A" game, as good as any.

2. Chicago Bulls = Ed Norton
Tries really, really, fucking hard. Still, range is limited by narrow-minded approach, often overlooking obviously beneficial oportunities, to stick with road less traveled.

3. New Jersey Nets = Diane Lane
Will have their moments..and will look really good from time to time. When it comes down to it though, still beaten down and generally inadequate.

4. Detroit Pistons = Adam Sandler
Was kinda entertaining, but not really. Basically a joke, who you can expect to enjoy early, but eventually hate late, with a shitty ending, at that. Was a lot cooler years ago.

5. Cleveland Cavaliers = Scarlett Johannson
Sexy as hell. Which usually distracts people from utter lack of experience. Ocasional incredible performance disguises other numerous terrible ones. Still, sexy as hell.

6. Washington Wizards = Gary Busey
Unbelievably enjoyable. Entirely impossible to take serious, at all.

7. Orlando Magic = Rachel McAdams
You're just waiting for her to really make the next big leap. Already known to have everything it takes, but goddamn, when's it going to happen?

8. Indiana Pacers = Charlie Sheen
Perennial underachiever, all sorts of skeletons in the closet. Should be way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than will be. A train wreck in the making, in every regard.

9. Milwaukee Bucks = Jack Black
Nobody really takes seriously, but everybody enjoys. Sorta a joke, but found a niche. Content to get by.

10. Toronto Raptors = Sacha Baron Cohen
Some people get the Euro style, others do not. Naughty, Naughty.

11. Philadelphia 76ers = Kevin Costner
Nobody really gives a shit about em anymore. Sure, they had their "glory days" years ago. Generally old, and though the seem like they should be capable of big things, never ever proudce.

12. New York Knicks = Michael J Fox
Pretty shaky, the future's probably not getting better any time soon...unless a miracle happens.

13. Boston Celtics = Adriana Lima
She may not be an actress, but she is young and inexperienced.

14. Charlotte Bobcats = David Della Rocco
Zero experience, all the potential in the world, will probably never emerge.

15. Atlanta Hawks = Ben Affleck
Seems like could be decent, has had decent showings in the past...Some incredibly memorable roles, but currently a runaway trainwreck. ..A recipient of both sympathy and ridicule.

Coming tomorrow night.................The Western Conference.

2006 MLB Playoff Expert Opinions!

2006-10-30T15:46:00.000-08:00

So I received a message from one of my Cardinal friends and how he felt it was nice that the baseball experts of so many sites gave the Cardinals a fighting chance before and during the playoffs this year. I didn't really think about it until I started looking around but I did find it rather interesting!

First, let us take a look at the mighty Yahoo Sports experts which I'm sure everyone is willing to look at for advice when it comes to real gambling! Tony Gywnn leads this group in not being bias at all!!!!!!!!!! I can't help but wonder if Tony gained more weight when his Padres went down hard against the Cards right away (much like the 1998 World Series team Gywnn played on!)

CBS Sportsline was just pathetic with their predictions! (They were close, NO?) And let's not even start with how well ESPN has done in 2005 as well as 2006!

Well screw it then I'll make my 2007 prediction without these outstanding sites! (Yankees in 4 over the Las Vegas Cubs)

the one thing the cardinals and 3 time winston cup winner cale yarborough have in common...

2006-10-29T22:24:00.000-08:00

...is not that they both appeared in Stroker Ace, but rather, at the end 2006 Major League Baseball regular season, both had 83 wins.
83 wins!
Ocho. Tres.

While there's no denying that some of us around these parts were quite pleased, actually, to see the Cardinals win it all Friday night, I'm not. Sure, I'm happy for Tieskoetter (or whatever he decides to call himself), but it's tough to stomach the bizarre and terrifying list of recent Series winners. I could handle the Marlins, though I really felt like the Cubs should have beat them to get there...and I really didn't mind the Red Sox, though L.E. might take issue with it. The White Sox was a bit annoying...and now the Cubbies truest rival, St Louis? Good night..

Not to beat this to the ground, either, but thing is, if you looked at any Cardinals team from that past six or seven years, it would seem that this was the team least likely to win it all, too. But I should stop whining, and shut the hell up, right? Right.

Still though, some of us can't help but wonder, who the fuck are these guys? So I've taken it upon myself to do a little research and find that out.

JEFF SUPPAN
-Won the NLCS MVP earlier this year.
-Has hit two career home runs.
-Has hit two home runs off Steve Traschel.
-Nicknamed "Soup".
-Owns a restaurant named Soup's Grill
-Opposed Michael J Fox's Missouri Congressional campaign ad supporting stem cell research. Pundit Rush Limbaugh has outspokenly agreed with Suppan's stance, even going further.
(Michael J Fox, in his likely current state.)

AARON MILES
-4th place finisher in 2004 NL Rookie of the Year voting
-Has played for White Sox, Rockies, and now St Louis.
-Cut from the 2004 Greek Olympic Team...the Greek baseball team...Greece.
-All time assists leader in Big 12 history.
(Aaron Miles, in his likely current state.)

RONNIE BELLIARD
-Cousin of ex-MLBer Rafael Belliard, who played a whole helluva lot longer than Ronnie probably ever will.
-According to his wikipedia entry, Belliard is described by Cardinals commentator Dan McLaughlin as "the Michael Jordan of baseball."
-Made the AL All Star team in 2004.

(Some of Ronnie Belliard's uncle's asshole teammates.)

JIM EDMONDS
-Effectionately referred to by Cardinals fans as "Jimmy Baseball"
-36 years old.
-Repeat winner of Outsports's Brass Balls Award for Center Field.

ALBERT PUJOLS
-Widely regarded as the best player in the Cardinals infield.
-According to the Cardinals team website, his last name is
correctly pronounced "POO-holes".
-Member of the 2004 Arizona Fall League Class Hall of Fame.
-Was signed by former Cardinals scout Dave Karaff...to whom Albert is extremely, extremely thankful.
-Often noted for his frighteningly even-keeled, sometimes
wooden demeanor...besides the times when he's just really fucking pissed. Which is almost always.

I kid really, but that should give you a basic idea of what these guys are all about, and who they really are. Your 2006 World Series Champions!

(I'll wait for the scathing reply.........................................................now.)

Get to know an IFOCE competitor!

2006-10-29T20:26:00.000-08:00

Today was the 3rd annual Krystal Square Off! The excitement surrounding the competition was amazing with Kobayashi "world's greatest eater" facing off other competition such as the USA's best challenger Joey Chestnut! Joey put up a great fight shoving 91 Krystal burger down his throat but was out done yet again by Kobayashi who ate a world record 97 burgers in 8 minutes! I can't take a dump that fast most mornings, let alone eat 97 burgers with buns that the competitors strategically soak in water! What was Kobayashi's reward, $30,000! Not bad getting $30,000 in 8 minutes and plus the free meal!

The International Ferderation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) has many eaters but the one I would like to talk about today is Sonya Thomas known as the "black widow" by competition, who at 103 pounds has put on several eating clinics in her days from eating 80 chicken nuggets in 5 minutes to 4 pounds 14 1/4 ounces of fruit cake in 10 minutes!
For more about IFOCE, Sonya and other IFOCE competitors check out: http://www.ifoce.com/index.php

believe it.

2006-10-24T05:43:00.000-07:00

There's a million sports blogs out there, so when you even entertain the notion of starting one, it kinda comes down to if you think anyone will even eventually read it. It's probably doubtful, but we'll give it a chance, and if it blows, then fuck it. Should be fun anyways, or at least self entertaining.

Anyways, here's how it's gonna be:
The site will be general commentary/opinion/views/drunken banter, with a huge lean towards sports.

There'll probably be a huge midwestern bias.

Steve Alford sucks.

The NHL will probably never, ever, receive any attention...at least not from me.

T-shirts with wolves on em are fucking sweet.

As for the blog title...